10 Relationship Do’s For a Close, Loving Bond Continued

6. Do support your partner’s dreams and hopes for themselves.  It’s so important to not only have our partners’ backs, but also to cheer them on, to be "the wind beneath their wings.”

7. Do be there for them, especially on a rough day.  We all want partners that will have our back during our deepest, darkest times. This doesn’t mean you have to fix things for them or solve their problems, or give them advice, but do listen, let them vent or share, and be ready with a warm embrace.  Advice and problem solving can come later, after they’ve been heard.

8. Do lean on your partner when you’re having a bad day.  This “having their back” is a two way street - we also need to be able to reach out for them and lean on them.  It’s called healthy dependency. Now, there may be times when you are both tapped out and both needing the other and maybe you can’t show up for each other the way you want to.  This does happen and can be incredibly difficult and painful…but it doesn’t have to be a relationship-ender. Talk about this type of situation at your check in, come up with an understanding around this, perhaps a plan of how to work through these kinds of challenging times.

9. Do cultivate your own friends and interests, your own individuality (it’s incredibly sexy).  As the Lebanese poet, Khalil Gibran, wrote:

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
  And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
      Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of your be alone,
      Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

     Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
      For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
      And stand together yet not too near together:
      For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
      And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Your own personal interests and growth helps to keep the relationship vibrant and exciting, which is also great for your intimate life and part of the dynamic of a healthy dependency.  It’s so important to not lose your self in your relationship.

10.  Do work through your own wounds and traumas, (ideally with a qualified therapist), otherwise any unresolved trauma/relational issues will show up during your worst moments and just totally take over.  Without awareness, healing stalls and the wounds can get deeper and deeper and this is where disconnection thrives, leading to the breakdown of the relationship.